“I have doubts about myself, this emptiness somewhere, I have depression. I feel pain and have mood swings for no reason at all. The worst type of pain is when I smile just to keep the tears from falling. But one look at my eyes, and my facade crumbles and the truth is right there. I hear voices in my head that tell me "I'm worthless, I'm useless, I'm a nobody, I'm dumb." One word is all it takes for me to collapse and make my mental health plummet all the way down. I don't even realize it but those words get stuck in my head and repeat a thousand times like a broken tape recorder and the worst part is that I let myself believe it. I feel like everything I say or do is just judged and I want that feeling to go away. I want to be normal like everybody else. Some days are just great but then others, I have really bad mental breakdowns. I ask myself why am I like this all the time. Sometimes it just feels like wherever I go, I am engulfed with darkness. Just when I think everything is going right, everything goes downhill. For every happy moment, there are 10 times more depressing moments for me and I wish it could just stop. It hurts so badly to feel like that.”
-Harini Sangeetham
What is Depression? It is a mood disorder that causes constant feelings of sadness and loss of interest. Feelings of worthlessness, shame, and anxiety start to appear. More severe thoughts such as sucide can occur. They start to shut people out of their lives and become a secluded version of themselves. Depression not only affects people mentally but also physically. Insomnia can occur because they can’t stop thinking about those thoughts. Lack of appetite and concentration develops as well. According to the National Institute of Health, 1 in 3 heart attack survivors experience depression. It can cause blood vessels to tighten and as a result, a risk of cardiovascular disease increases. Other side effects include fatigue, weaker immune systems, and migraines.. Depression can affect any gender, race, sexual orientation, or background. Centers for Disease Control says that, “Women are almost twice as likely as men to have had depression.” It is more prevalent in females due to multiple hormonal changes, postpartum depression, and menstrual cycles.
If there is a family history of depression or another mood disorder, then there is a higher risk of developing it. Stress is another major risk factor. It’s the body’s way of protecting you. When you feel threatened or uncomfortable, the nervous system responds by releasing a flood of stress hormones, including cortisol and adrenaline. This helps awaken the body for emergency action. The nervous system can’t differentiate between emotional and physical threats. Stress from a loss of a loved one or having a fight with somebody can cause the body to react the same way as an actual threat would. Activating the stress response multiple times, makes it more easier to access and difficult to shut off. If you are constantly in stress, it can forever alter your brain and body, leaving you more susceptible to mental health issues. Some other instances include drug abuse and the side effects from medication and other medical conditions. In fact, over 20% of Americans living with a substance abuse disorder also currently live with a mood disorder, such as depression, stated by the National Epidemiologic Survey on Alcohol and Related Conditions. Depression can start for a number of reasons but can also appear at one point in life, even though everything seems perfect.
Depression is terrible to go through and it's exhausting. Just know that coming out of it is the strongest and bravest thing to do. It's painful but remember that YOU ARE NEVER ALONE! You may never get rid of depression or it might continue in shortened versions. If it is severe, talk to a doctor to find the type of treatment that works for you. According to Beyond Blue, there are two types of main treatment: Psychological therapy and medication. Psychological treatments can help improve your coping skills so that you can properly deal with stress and to change your thought process into better ones. There are many different types of therapy in this type of treatment such as Interpersonal therapy, Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, and many more, so consult a doctor to see which one would best fit you. Antidepressants, the medical treatment, is useful for treating moderate to severe depression. The simpler type of treatment is to find comfort from a trusted friend or support group. Talking about how depression is affecting your life can make you feel better. It's better to do that instead of bottling it all up until one day you snap. That's what I used to do and it just became a hundred times worse. Depression kicks you around but sooner or later, you realize you're not just a survivor. You're a warrior and you're stronger than anything that depression throws your way.
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